So… college has really taken a toll on me and I have a bunch of thoughts, so I’m hoping that I can use this as therapy, kinda? We’ll see.
(This post is kinda inspired by Tessa Violet’s take on Vlogmas so far – I love her chatty videos, they always make me think, and so this time I thought I’d do my own take
do check out Tessa’s vids, she’s such an awsome and talented human!)
I’ve been in college for about two months now and honestly, it was pretty a-ok: I got into a certain routine, which was fine, and despite the fact that I’m not studying something that I’m deeply interested in, I still found it quite therapeutic to leave the house and have something to do.
However, it’s only normal when something’s going fine that something else has to crumble and fall apart… right?
So, I’m currently in that stage of “everything’s falling apart, help me pls” (even though it’s probably just me, overexaggerating)
First of all, I’ve been quite demotivated. (which I can see is the title of this post, but I wanted to keep it as raw as possible, so I’m not editing it that much, okay, continue) And it’s not that I am lazy or expect good marks for no work – I really am not like that. But, considering I’m studying something I’m not that crazy about, it has been a constant battle of “me trying to convince myself that I want to study” and “me telling myself that if I don’t do well, I’ll be jobless and homeless”. (and then a bit of “me, just not caring”)
Also, here’s something that’s been getting me down: because I’m taking a language that I’ve never studied before, I’ve been having some difficulties (especially pronunciation and dictations, gosh, I am awful at those) and that’s been de-motivating me even more.
(I have this problem where I don’t do anything unless I know that I’m at least slightly above average when it comes to skill level, so if I feel like I’m not skillful enough *cough* this second language scenario *cough*, I get extremely embarrassed and ashamed to do anything in public, so I just seem even more awful and then I feel worse and so on… it’s a vicious cycle, really)
I want to make a separate post about “not feeling good enough”, as I think we all struggle with that at certain times.
It’s even noticeable with my blogging – as soon as I skipped a week, I didn’t want to post at all. Why? Because I was feeling crappy about not posting, so it made me want to not post even more. (and I have some posts written out, but I still need to edit photos and, boy oh boy, is that hard when you lack the will to do anything)
I know, I know, I really need to work on that.
(Hey, the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one, right?)
Okay, if I continue writing, I’ll crank up 2,000 words in no time and I don’t feel like torturing anybody today. ( you’re welcome 😉 ) So, you bet there will be more posts like these in the future!
Whew, this stared as a completely different post, but it truly was therapeutic! 😀 I really want/need to do more of these, as I usually don’t have people to talk this stuff over with. (and I certainly don’t have the time or the ‘dollahs’ for a counselor.
I hope this kinda different post was fun/entertaining/not-completely-boring to read. 🙂
Do you ever feel this way?
How do you cope with it?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments and we can all have a group therapy session – yay!
Thank you for reading. 🙂
Hope you have a wonderful day!